What It Is

Right now at this moment life takes place even though reality can seem like a dream, 
an illusion perhaps or just the heat getting to me. I wonder about many things. I wonder about the what if's, the how, who, when, why and where of things. I look for answers and also resign myself to the fact that I may not receive answers to questions as some answers are revealed immediately or unfold over time.

In the case of keeping life simple and doable in all it's complexities, chaotic nonsense, glory and awesomeness. It is helpful to somehow stay centered and calm by finding peace within. For me that includes faith, hope and being open to receive blessings and peace while sorting out the mysteries and wonder of life and accept that life is what it is.  ☮️ 💛 

Wonder

To maintain the wonderful sense of wonder through the years, through the times when we do not feel much like wondering what, why, where and how unless those questions are a matter of life and death. Maybe we simply get complacent, bored, jaded or luke-warm about life the world at large and it's many wonderous people, places and things. To maintain that magical wonder of youth at any age seems to be the key to staying young at heart rather than developing a particular blindness, tone-deafness or disensitivy to the savory and sweetness,  surrounding us.

I wonder how people get along in life without faith in something more than what is seen on this earthly plane. I wonder why animals do not talk and maybe grateful they don't except with their eyes, hearts and souls. I wonder why things like how people everywhere, are not cared for with more equality and respect. I wonder how the earth and all of its inhabitants came into existence among the vastness of the universe. 
I wonder how gravity, astronomy, physics, science and art operates and does the amazing mind-expanding things each  does. 

Where, when, who started it all? My faith in the author and creator of life answers some questions with broad strokes and sometimes with detailed information. Still, I wonder about the intricate nature of things and the dynamics involved but I am satisfied and at peace with the understanding that some questions will remain unanswered and the mysteries and wonders of life will go on.

A Funny Thing Pt.1

In my early 20s a funny thing happened on the way to the rest of my life. I got stuck in my head about everything. The agony of despair, doubt, not knowing the questions to ask, how or who to ask, much less the answer's to look for during what I came to refer to as the 'crossroads'. Pitch black and numbing, nothing seemed right or real, no joy only what feels like going through the motions. Peggy Lee sang about the thick suffocating human experience called; "the blues", aka, feeling shitty, depression. In the song that laments about life; "Is That All There Is?" the musical questions ask about fulfillment, illusions and disillusions. Maybe it is more a matter of perception but based on what? Learned behavior, past or present experiences, genetics, predisposition, fate? What determines how one views things, through the lens of heartache, success, good or bad health. What triggers us is particular to each one of us. 

In a nut shell, I was conflicted by being born a girl but feeling like a boy and feeling bad about the damn internal messy, mixed-up thing of it all. Having a 'normal' twin brother was part of the calibration or constant self comparison that perhaps made me think I was a mistake. After those dark days saturated in sad grievous thoughts and walking head-on into the preverbal raging fire, I marched out the victor feeling like a bloodied, wore-torn soldier but standing tall after fighting the battle of a lifetime, I am good, 'rustic', one of kind, better for the wear and tear and aging quite imperfectly. It has been, is now and will be I pray, the faith, hope, comfort I receive from The Holy Spirit(s) above, among, around, under, in and out of us and what can not be fathomed. The girl and boy, man and woman in me is soft, strong, tender, sheds tears of joy and can feel like a badass all at once.

In the song; "Alfie" again the question begs for answers; "What's It All About, Alfie?" The answers sometimes surface out of nothing and nowhere for some, for others the answers to the perplexities never go away and for others various therapeutic methods, means and ways of digging oneself out of virtual hell involves a resolve to surrender to something big or barely there, something within, greater than any real or imagined problems, worries, aches or pains. Some questions simply will never be answered that is the thing, as we absolutely have the capacity to decide in an instant, at warp speed or the gradual realization of your own preciousness, the sacredness of life in all it's painful unfair ways, presenting itself in such a blessed way, you have a choice, to switch mental gears, is one choice when your heart desperately wants to heal and move forward new and improved. It happens, it is a most humbling and magnificent illustration of God's amazing Grace.