Relentless- Part I

I call it a major crossroads, a time when I got caught-up in the "complexities" of life or least what I had conjured up in my head as such. I wanted answers, answers and more answers... Then I realized answers are; 1) Sometimes found in the questions and stare us right in the face 2) Would take me a lifetime to discover 3) Elusive 4) Better left alone.
To make a long story short when I let go and let, what I perceive to be above, beyond and far more than me, help me stay the course, I knew I would survive the absurdity, the harshness as well as the breathtaking beauty of this world. Arriving at this place however meager or magnificent was not easy. No... confusion and I were at a stand-off, I stared right down the barrel of pitch black, dank, depressing, darkness. What answers was I looking for, not being sure of the questions? It was a splintering, juncture, a turn-pike in flux. Through a great deal of trial and error... some lessons learned softly, some hard and some still being taught... Ooh, figuring things out, putting the pieces together, making things fit, to make rhyme and rhythm out of the unreasonable... sometimes... Yeah... not very pretty.
Meantime, I am happy to report, when I recharge, renew, regroup, retool, reevaluate, and reassess, who and what it's all about... I rediscover over and over; The more I know, the more I don't know. Comfort, solice and peace of mind is available even tho' the answers may be painfully obvious... elude me, and sometimes collide with the questions... More in the order of bumping, bruising, banging, crashing, clash-bam-booming head-on, leaving me for dead in the wake of my muddled messes or mistakes because I didn't recognize the obvious remedy or resolution... Search & rescue me from myself. Life's episodes, traumas, mishaps and misunderstandings aim to grab and toss me around like a rag doll, by the scruff of my neck... then dust me off & expect me to walk tall, sure footed, steady and tread lightly. Proceed w/caution, safety first or simply throw caution to the wind, wreckless and abandon.
Turns out... peace of mind and heart is doable. I wonder sometimes tho'... at what cost? What value do I place on finding my way in the world? It holds true... When all is said and done... My faith... in something, someone, a being, entity; G*D, Grace, The Holy Spirit. Life saver, Soul Searcher, Heart Mender and Merry Maker for all who seek the way, the light and the truth... in fact, the very armour, weaponry & protection from choppy waters I encounter. In my pursuit of Happiness... My relentless Hope when feelings of helplessness creep in ~