The Human Condition

Behold, humankind! Evolving toward the best versions of ourselves at the same time regressing into dark places, places that represents the worst in humankind, cold and cruel. Given the chance to start all over again how long can the human race sustain the beautiful harmonious notes of peace and respect, fairness and justice for all. We become rewired and advance to the point of the inability to think or behave in any negative or destructive way toward ourselves or anybody else. In Buddhism the ultimate goal of a good life is to live a simple existence, giving and receiving compassion, love, and respect, the very basics to enjoy peace of mind and contentment, happy and healthy.

Children, elders, others with little or no voice are only treated kindly and patiently. The world has elevated itself to a place that thrives on everything good, resources are equally distributed and everyone is grateful for every little and big thing. Every color, culture and every nation goes about life in peace. There are no exceptions in a utopia-type world order where humans are now conditioned to cherish and respect every inhabitant of this precious place in the universe.

We want to think positively with a fresh attitude toward our own place in the world, to believe it is a new time in life and a good time to be alive. In the whole scheme of things we experience moments and fragments of perfection. Possibilities and probabilities go their own way in reality. We hope and hold on to better days, better ways to think and be happy and share what we can to cultivate a good life for each other. We pray for peace and hope for miracles and changes that need to be made to create all of the things that transform heartache to happiness and emptiness to fullness, sadness to joy.
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WORD ~

Beautiful, big, broken, bent, bruised, full, swollen, bearing the brunt of whatever it is you are going through, getting over or feeling at any given moment, the heart takes it for the team. Every part of the whole is counting on the heart to beat in time with all matters of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual concerns. The inner chambers driven by strength and goodness as each dashing and dangling moment whether mundane, predictable, triumphant or tragic, the heart beats to the sound of it's own movements.

Beautiful, blue, big, bountiful, bright, overcast, angry, awesome, absent, hazy, dark and obscured the sky covers our lives like a massive dome that never closes even at night as the stars and the heavens sparkle from their places in the universe.

Beautiful, prayerful, mysterious, mind blowing, heart wrenching and heart warming pearls of wisdom found in collections of words. They are dangerous, disgusting and distinguished, meaningful and meaningless. Singular or strung together potentially powerful at once puny, raw, realistic, fantastic, fancy, passionate, painful and priceless. Words from thought to articulation are lovely and hateful, revolutionary and archaic, concise, convoluted and crystal clear. Communication with words that create sentences and dialog can be outdated, timeless, thought provoking and inspiring.

Words are like little puddles that turn into ponds and streams that turn into lakes and rivers and breathtaking oceans filled with every symbol and sound, letter, word, emotion and expression ever expressed. The mighty sea also swallows it's own salty tears with no words to convey what is beyond adequate description. A simple message reveals ignorance, intelligence,  hopelessness and hope. The string of sentences as fine as a fishing line tangle and untangle, constantly changing direction and right on course navigating through the sea of thought, one word at a time.

A Year

A little over a year now since you've been gone Mom, it seems like this morning when you knew your time to take your leave had arrived; you said; It's time. No don't go Mariana, Maria said, that Saturday morning, January 30th, 2016. You sang a little song, prayed a little prayer and called it a day ~

I drove-up and went straight to your room and walked calmly toward you. I could not get close enough to tell you that I love you, will always hold you in my heart, thoughts and prayers. We knew this moment would happen at God's speed. Still the sting of realities bite was numbing and knocked the breath out of me. I wanted to express my gratitude for taking care of me, all of your six children, keeping us out of trouble not letting up on your wish to know your kids were clear about the difference between right and wrong and the importance of Respect.

Your voice, your laughter, the voice of disapproval, disappointment, anger, joy, frustration, fear, faith, appreciation, love, affection... it is locked and loaded in my memory bank. You influenced me in so many ways, by your example I learned to be kind and compassionate, thoughtful and generous and grateful for blessings bestowed upon us.

I love you Mom. THANK YOU

Quid Pro Quo (This for that)

Funny how we wheel and deal with life, situations, with people, adversity, every triumph and

tragedy. It's not a heehehee kind of funny but a peculiar rational or irrational-type of funny. The moments we are fearless be it out of necessity or simply the requisite to get through the raging or quiet storm. When our only choice is to run, hide or fight for our lives with every breath and aching heart-beat, from the deep murky depths into the fiery places where we stow our courage, on the ready to mount-up. The times we feel scantily clad with bravery yet somehow muster-up the strength enough to come up for air out of darkness into the light. Blind faith in exchange for answered prayers, conquered challenges met by solid determination to come out of the wild weather,  braver, better, badder for the wear and tear. 

The peaks seem unsurmountable, plateaus level off accordingly. We are left exhausted, exhilarated, inspired and ready or not, again armed with the capacity to deal with life's speed bumps and road blocks. In a strange and wonderful way; resilience and collateral damage have an understanding, to use the apropriate arsenal which makes way for the right to bear such arms in the event of painful, rough, unfair, burdensome, raw, trails and tribulations. It's funny how the dreary, dreaded, scathing, grueling times seem to move in show motion yet we see ourselves through, we propel ourselves into a personal evolution at which point we humbly yield to ageless growing pains.

Watching life unfold as loved ones pass away, it squeezes out every drop of blood from your heart. You feel left out to dry as vultures circle over awaiting their dried-out feast. Death comes to the young and old, the living and nearly dead dying and those who have checked-out in various ways. Meanwhile, the daily grind, hurry-up, get it done, your busy, your tired, your burnt-out and over it demands your attention. Local, national and international affairs only serve to fill you with doubt and despair, the mess translates into stress. What can you do but pray, make a deal for inner peace between your head and your heart, quid pro quo. Maintaining positive perspective, hope, faith, compassion, kindness, each priceless quality and virtue, it's own answered prayer. The trade-off? Peace of mind, reprieve and damage control. 

Dear Mom

Sunday, August 28th, 2016, you would have turned 91 years of age. We gathered to celebrate your life, we laughed and cried, sang and milled about recalling your courage as a single mother and the lessons you taught us. We talked about what a great role model you have been and what a good person you will be remembered as. While we missed your physical presence I know you are at peace resting in a state of perfection with Mark by your side.

My big sister, Sophie, found this laminated prayer among Moms' belongings.

Mom wrote the names of her children around the edge. My sister, Marcie

read the prayer at Mom's burial site on August, 28th, 2016.

I miss you Mom, from a place deep in my core, from a place that is empty yet filled with love and longing. I see your smile, your frown, your beautiful face, the goofy ways you crossed your eyes to rattle my cage and snap me out of myself. I hear your voice so clearly and feel the gentle warmth of your soft hands. I believe you are with me throughout the day and in the still of the night. You are in my heart and soul. I need you to help me through life just as you did in the most subtle and spectacular ways, when you were here in your physical form.

The times you come to mind are frequent and permeates throughout the day-in day-out grind, just as before. I know you are present in more ways than I can fully comprehend. What a special place you will always have in my very being. I hope I am a good reflection of you and your great spirit, your compassion, your sense of fairness and kindness. In the good times and fiery times we loved each other through them all as the love and respect prevailed and you kept us all in tact. Your children, family and friends revere you and look up to the sold citizen you were, your sense of decency and loyalty to those you loved and cared for are still in place.

I love you so dearly Mom, the layers of life we shared, the faith you maintained throughout your life on earth proved time and again how important it is to hold on to hope, to do the right thing and get on with life peacefully. I hold on to you tightly yet tenderly and I am happy for you where you are in all of your glory with the Lord, where you prayed to be some day. I am thankful for you that we were appointed to one another and I am grateful for the hard and soft lessons I learned from you. THANK YOU MOM! I know your first birthday in Heaven was something wonderful, even more wonderful than the precious memories of you.

Sincerely yours,

Marlena

Reprieve

From a place where sadness runs deep and you dangle suspended in midair like a circus aerial act gone wrong. 

I'm drowning, inhaling a merciless suffocating element that rushes to engulf me in pain.  It is just the blurry view from the mourning I am recalibrating my heart and soul with. Clawing scratching reaching fighting for air, I take a massive breath, it blasts out like a thunderous gust of wind and lighting fast a reprieve presented in a peaceful thought, a whisper from the heavens, I am rebirthed and swim for my life into calm seas floating moving upright smoothly on shore safely again.

Crying, laughing, yelling, talking, singing, walking, hiding, writing and riding along in silence I move forward gently as the soft sand slides though my toes and massages my feet. Then like something that cannot be ignored, a misstep onto the sharp edges of the coral reef with it's hateful jagged unforgiving edges. The pain will pass, the open wound wanting to heal as time and life, wonder, mystery awaits.

Pick Up The Peices

Being an upright, contributing member of society is nice and expected of me and you. Keeping it all together however, can be a little tricky and not always as easy as we'd like. The day-in, day-out grind of life gnaws, nags, twists and shouts ugly profanities in our face. It's interesting, how ups seem bigger after each obstacle is overcome and the down's drill deeper into the abyss of my angst. The choice is mine to decide which trajectory I choose and prefer and have the guts to handle, faster than lighting or painfully slow, lingering into nothing.   
                                           

We blaze through life on automatic pilot expecting everything to go according to plans, if you've made them. We get tripped-up by unforeseen challenges and all hell breaks loose until we get a hold of ourselves. How long the hysteria lasts depends upon the profundity of the "challenge(s)" and also, the position we take on the matter. Perception can snap-us right out of the throws of despair or leave us wallowing in the murky contaminated waters of fear, anger, impatience and stress.

It can take some doing to resolve the brain war but it can be done swiftly with concentrated focus and intention. To recalibrate thinking to a peaceful place where we are able to pick up the pieces, is to be ready to take on the next thing that might threaten our safety, peace of mind, heart and soul. ♥